I'm going to write a book. Pdf version.


They say there are no rules that govern writers, they are wrong:- “That is so interesting; you know one day I am going to write a book, I am definitely going to write a book. When I think about it there is so much happened, so much to write about. Look at my little brother Joe, he is such a funny guy, the things he comes out with you wouldn’t believe, there is a whole book right there if you want, I really should keep notes. Of course I never did; and you really had to be there to appreciate how good it was. That couldn’t be my first book, I would need to practice a bit to get it across in the way it deserved, but some things are timeless. The way he tells about Dad trying to park the car is magic, and I guess there must have been someone like that describing his Dad trying to park the chariot a thousand years ago and there will be someone describing their Dad parking a space ship a thousand years from now. That’s what I need, that timelessness, it must be wonderful making people laugh like that and it would definitely be a class one page turner. “First though, like I say, I need some practice, maybe a bodice ripper, a women’s magazine romance. Apart from anything else they sell so well I could make money from it, and it is such a simple formula. I would need a heroine, she would have to be young and beautiful and rather naive, but ultimately showing strength of character that sees her through. Otherwise she would be letting down the hero who must be simple and honest, the sort who works for a living at some honest toil with a bit of romance in it. A sailor for instance, there is always a certain romance about the sea, and a uniform. Or a fireman, he could be a hero but still be an ordinary, decent person and when he went to collect his medal he would wear his dress uniform, not the yellow waterproof trousers and the fluorescent tabard that he wore for doing his job every day, that would be silly at a medal ceremony, and not very romantic when she was being so proud of him. Of course that would come later, first he would have to rescue her. “Then there would have to be a villain for the hero to rescue the heroine from. Real life villains are thick, ignorant, working class scum, but of course literary villains have to be a bit better than that. They can be aristocracy, like in The Moonstone, foreigners of course, or they can be super intelligent like Prof. Moriarty who is almost the intellectual equal of Sherlock Holmes, but of course they must lose in the end. “The trouble is I know just where it is going before I have even started, all I need to do is write it out, so what use is that as practice? And just doing it for the money seems cynical, I should use my talents to do something creative. Perhaps I would be better sticking to real life, so much happens, but deciding where to start and what to include is difficult. There is so much I am sure to forget something, I should get a notebook and write things down, tomorrow when I am down the shop. I am definitely going to write a book, someone should put it all down ...” Rule Number One:- Talk only of what you have written. Rule Number Two:- Be careful who you talk to.

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